Sunday, April 28, 2013

I Was A Cat In The Previous Life

Have you ever sat and thought about the possibility of there being a previous life? If so, have you wondered what you were in that life?

No?

... Well, okay. (I guess this proves that I'm the only weirdo hanging around on Blogspot.)

Anyway. A number of strange incidents have taken place which have got me thinking. MAYBE I'M NOT WEIRD, MAYBE THIS IS ALL THE INFLUENCE OF THE PREVIOUS LIFE ON MY EXISTENCE! (Don't laugh at me.)

What was I in the previous life, though?

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pretty sure I was a cat.

Yes, a cat. I'm sure most of you expected this, considering the fact that you read the title of this post before reading this line. So stop lauding yourselves on your guesswork skills, please.

And what exactly are these incidents that make me sure that I was a cat in my previous life, you ask? (Perhaps you didn't ask that, but whatever.) I shall reveal two of them to you. Read on:

1. The Day I Ate Cat Food

ACTUAL CAT FOOD.

You guys must be disgusted. But please do not write me off as a psychotic just yet. I'm aware of my strangeness, which makes me a neurotic. So yeah. You can call me a neurotic.

BUT I CAN EXPLAIN MYSELF AND JUSTIFY MY ACTIONS.

Actually, I can't. But I can definitely tell you what happened.

It all started when, on one fine day, I adhered to my usual routine and took out a fresh tin of cat food to feed my cat.


As I was dolloping the cat food into my cat's bowl, a strange thought occurred to me.

(I've never actually done "hmmmmm", but whatever)

I'm pretty sure I'm not the first person to wonder about this. A study (that may or may not have been conducted in my imagination) states that 75% of pet owners have spared a thought about the taste of the food they were feeding their pets. This means it was perfectly normal for me to wonder whether the duck flavored cat food I fed my cat actually tasted like duck.

Being the impulsive person that I am, I decided to TASTE the cat food. I took a tiny plastic spoon from the kitchen cupboard. Then, I sat next to my cat whilst she was hogging away on the food in her bowl. I moved her aside, stuck the spoon in, took out a chunk of duck, and popped it in my mouth. The scene that followed can be explained through this picture:


That's me, tasting the cat food. That's my cat, staring at me in great indignation and astonishment. (I don't blame her. I would have looked the same way at someone who would have rudely interrupted me while I was eating just to take a bite out of my food without my permission.)

The cat food, unsurprisingly, was tasteless (LOL did you really think anyone was going to make any kind of effort to make animals enjoy their food?). Really. It was like putting a soft block of nothing in my mouth. (This is because cats can't have salt or sugar, so their food is just stuff to fill their tummy, and has no real taste.)

2. The Day I Groomed My Cat

It all started when one day, my cat looked at me in expectation.


Knowing my cat, I figured out that she wanted to be petted. Being the nice, kind and loving owner that I am, I pet her.


The petting was going well. She was purring in contentment.

All of a sudden, another strange thought occurred to me (the first strange thought being about the taste of cat food, for all my dear readers who suffer from short-term memory loss).

Would my cat like to be groomed by me?!

Now, I'm expecting all of you to make weird retching noises whilst reading this. Otherwise you're probably as strange as I am.

I stopped petting my cat. I leaned in, stuck my tongue out, and sort of bonked her on the head with it.


The above picture is slightly misleading. I SWEAR it was just a couple of bonks. Not seven licks. LOL the more I look at that picture, the more creeped out I get. But yes, my cat gave me the 'DAFUQ?!' expression, which made me realize that she probably is satisfied with grooming herself on her own, thank you very much.

Needless to say, I was slightly embarrassed. (And my cat was extremely irritated.)

I can explain myself, though.

You see, I had my cat ever since she was a baby kitten. She's mostly been by herself all these years (3, to be exact), and I couldn't help but wonder whether my cat was deprived of her mum's love or not. I always saw her groom herself and thought to myself, perhaps she would like to be pampered and cleaned by her mum, too. And since her mum wasn't around, the only substitution would be me. I think the fact that I felt a little sorry for my cat contributed to the reasons behind my actions. (Nevertheless, it was still incredibly weird.)

x

Taking the above events into consideration (there are more, but I'm too lazy to type them down and draw them out), I would like to state that I'm pretty sure all of this means that I was a cat in the previous life. Eating cat food. Attempting to lick my cat. WHAT MORE PROOF DO I NEED?! I have spent much time contemplating what kind of cat I was. A Siamese? Persian? Egyptian Mau? Scottish Fold? A boring Tabby? Using all my knowledge about felines as well as my super-amazing imagination, I have created a picture of what I look like now, and what I'm pretty sure I looked like before (beware: the accuracy of the picture may be too much for your tiny heart to handle). Here:


Yeah...

I'm out.

25 comments:

Laila N Mysis said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHA.

My cat walked passed my laptop as I was reading this, and he spared a glance at the screen, and pretty much made the same as yours did in the 'lick' picture... thought I should just let you know x)

I wonder what I would be in a hypothetical past life o_o

Ghadeer said...

Oh my God, I think I'm traumatized for life!

quartertoinsane said...

dollop... i like this word

IceMaiden said...

Dusk takes offence at "boring" tabby? Like really?!! :( Dusk is anything but boring thank you very much! :P

And, grooming the cat, I get it. I playfully nip my cats ears too. He thinks I am crazy too. In my defense, he switches off my laptop and has learnt how to open doors and shit. :|

Tasting cat food? Okay that I admit is weird... like WEIRD. I always thought it smelled nice and fishy.. but taste it? :P

Anonymous said...

At first I thought you were just kitten around, but your arguments are rather pawsitive. I used to own a dog and purrsonally, I've fought back my fair share of urges in petfood aisles. Even right meow, I'd like to taste some of that tuna stuff. Pawthetic, I know. Anywoof, I'd like to paws and think of more puns, but I'd be lion if I said I did that. Your comment left me feline good and I hope to see you soon! :)

Nas said...

A little while ago, I was watching X-men first class with my brother. Maybe you are a mutant! :O.

This post made me laugh! Thank you!

I know I've said this a gazillion times before, but you do the best drawings! You should start a comic blog.

Zy said...

Ha. This was hilarious. Your drawings are the best. I quite like your cat's 'dafuq' expression. You're weird, but in a good way.

Momina said...

Furree! You are completely awesome and hilarious! I love the drawings, too. And even though I'll admit you do weird stuff, you are so epic!
Also the cat picture of you is super cute!

Lakshmi Mitra said...

Furrreeee.
OMG YOUR CAT'S EXPRESSION.

You are awesome and you make me smile. And that makes me feel even more awesome 'coz I was sick today.

Lots of love. :)

Unknown said...

Awsome writing lol love it

The Lady of Green Origin said...

OHmygoodgraciousness.
This explains EVERYTHING.

Also, I had a bit of dog food once. It had flavor. It was horrible.
Though, I did it on a dare at a friends house. I won a ring pop.

You really are a crazy cat lady and ALSO a crazy cat-lady.

:)

Lady

Lioness Without A Pride said...

Hi! First of all, LOVE the new header! It's trippy and the colours are perfect!

Second, the past life thing. HELLO, anybody who's watched Om Shanti Om would tell you they've thought long and hard (yeah.) about their past lives! I have as well; I'd take all the Facebook quizzes they'd have for such things, it was lots of fun. ^_^

You should check this out - http://thebigview.com/pastlife/
It's short and sweet but I loved what it said about me :p

Third, you trying to act like a real actual Furree Katt -
0.o Girl, you got some serious kitty issues! *said with a Queen Latifah accent*

Ahahaha. It's 3.48am and I'm hilarious.

Loved your drawings as always <3 Your cat looks especially cute!

Unknown said...

HAHA that was amazing!

Kashaf A. said...

It's okay fareeha. We are all weird in some way. I bite into my favorite books just to know of what they taste like. I feel you.

Unknown said...

n once u said that u were a "Cow"....don,t appreciate my keen observation, just check your previous posts..thanks

kae said...

i believe in reincarnation and life after the next whatever else we call it. Ive read somewhere that if youve been a good person, youll be rewarded in your next life, but if youd been bad, youre gonna live your next life as a lower form of species. horrid, right? but i love cats and i think of them as equals. :) you mustve been a very very cute cat.:))


hi furree katt.. i just cant help it, i have to say this: you are so prety, still as pretty as ever! I miss your writing. I hope you still remember me. Been so long since Ive visited my old haunts. S o here I am. My latest post: http://solipsisticdrivel.blogspot.com/2013/05/letter-to-opposite-sex_2.html

Anonymous said...

I absolutely enjoyed the post. Couldnt help smiling and giggling as I read down the entire thing. I am sure your cat loves you for being so considerate and loving..hehe

Orange Pulps ♥ said...

hahah. this is absolutely funny. i have two black cats at home but i don't really play with them that often. ^_^

:)))

Abbynoel24 said...

In a past life? There's a pretty good chance I'm actually a cat right now...

Katherine said...

Haha. I didn't think you're weird. I think it was cute of you to have thought of doing all those things. And that picture of you as a cat is super cute. :D

Sometimes, I wonder, too, what was I in my past life. I think I'm a performer because in my mind, I always picture myself performing on stage. But that's definitely in my past life, because the present me has a lot of inhibitions. Hehehe

Something said...

Heh. That was an interesting read. I've tried Me-O Biscuits. Didn't really know what I was expecting. You're right, they're quite bland. They smell good however.

Why are cat owners crazy?

Furree Katt said...

@Laila, LOL, that's cute!

@Ghadeer, haha, sorry about that!

@IceMaiden, haha your cats are definitely not boring. And yes, I admit, I am a weirdo :(

@mangosinmanhattan, HAHAHAHA YOU'RE BRILLIANT!

@Nas, aww thanks a million! ♥

@Zy, Thank you :D

@Momina, Aww I love you SO much! Thanks a bunch :*

@Asinastra Nightshade, haha you're adorable. ily to bitsssss!

@Whitereal Pearl, :D

@The Lady of Green Origin, LOL I LOVE YOU! Thank you. At least you WON something out of eating pet-food, haha.

@LionessWithoutAPride, OMG LWAP yaar. I miss you. Thank you. You're hilarious as always. ♥ Lots of love!

@Bilal, Thank you :)

@Kashaf, haha that's quite endearing. You're such a cutieee.

@mohsin, LOOOOL

@Kae, hi there! nice to see you around after ages :) i shall visit your blog ASAP.

@ascoopoflife, aww thanks a lot :)

@Orange Pulps, LOL thanks :D you should play with your cats often. cats are awesome!

@Abbynoel24, well you're certainly as cute as a cat! :D

@Katherine, haha thank you so much :D i'm sure you were as cool and awesome in your past life as you are right now. and that's a whole lot! :)

@Bakemono Imo, Haha thanks! and i know, right?!

jessss said...

HAHA you're awesome weird is good you're unique your blog is so much more different than the other ones i follow and i love it because of it's weirdness :))) and WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A CAT IN THEIR PREVIOUS LIFE?

Anonymous said...

Hahhahahhahaahhahahahahahha......like, seriously, that was AWESOME!!
Especially the eating the cat thingy!
Enjoyeeeed it, and without doubt, laaaaooved it!

sasdasdasdasda said...

i dont know if i just read what i think i read or im hallucinating because i havent slept for the last 32 hours but if i really read what i think i read then you surely deserve a thumbs up. You did all of us cat owners a favor for without you our cats would have made the DA FUCK faces (well knowing the two i have i think i would prolly have needed a visit to the doctor), btw how do u know how a duck tastes? and did u had the fur ball thingy (my cats seem to suffer from those episodes where they would cough and then throw out balls of fur on my lovely sofa or my pillow and i have to kick the living shit of them)
???