Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Creep

i had tons of fun in my old school. i miss everything about it, and everyone in it.
three memories from my ex-school days stand out from the rest:
- studies
- friends
- boys.

my ex-school years were the most yummy in terms of eye-candy, because the place was crawling with hot guys. also the hawt, but mostly the hot. being a young teen (thirteen, to be exact) whilst getting admission in that school, i was subjected to feelings that i probably never felt before. i was a crusher, and i crushed on a new guy every millisecond.
being this way, a part of me has always wanted someone to feel the same way about me.

and let me tell you something, kids.
PEOPLE DID CRUSH ON ME. i know, right? impozzible. but true. i for one never expected anything like this to happen, but it did. and when it did, i was horrified.


because instead of the totally hot guys that my school had to offer, i got this:

The Creep.

The Creep was a thin, scrawny, oily-looking boy whom i had never spoken with in my entire life. i don't think i even noticed his existence, ever. he was my bus buddy throughout my 9th grade. not exactly a 'buddy', but we were in the same school bus due to living in the same area, so yeah. bus buddies. *cringes*
i never thought anyone like him would play a significant role in my life. but he did, because:
i found out through one of my friends, whose brother was The Creep's friend. it went something like this:

my friend: you know what my brother told me?
me: obviously not, because i wasn't eavesdropping on you, nor did you enlighten me on this information before.
my friend: whatever. he said his friend likes you!

now, she used the term 'likes'. he didn't like me. he was OBSESSED with me. he used to call radio stations late at night to request and dedicate weird love songs to me. he would talk about me with his creepy little friends the entire school day. he would draw these terrible sketches of me on the back pages of every notebook he had.
i could tolerate it at that level, i suppose. i chose to ignore his weird behavior, and dismissed it as something that would hopefully pass in a little while.
it never passed. something happened which made me so angry, so very angry, that to this date i shall never forgive The Creep for it, ever. 


one fine day at school, a couple of girls and a guy from the other classroom told me that this Totally Hot Guy was asking someone about me. that Totally Hot Guy was someone i had been crushing on for a couple of months, whom i had thought had never noticed my existence. apparently he did, and my friends had overheard.
they said that he was wondering who i was, and that he thought i was cute. now, this piece of information made me ecstatic, overjoyed, and OMG-HOT-GUY-THINKS-I'M-CUTE-OMG-esque. what i had never ever prepared for was what my friends told me next:

my friends: The Creep told him to back off, and said that you belong to him.

I WAS SO ANGRY. apparently, what they said was true. this was what took place inside that classroom:

The Creep ruined my chance at even conversing with the guy i had been crushing on since two whole months, for which i shall forever hold a massive i-will-kill-him-someday grudge against.

as the months passed, his crush intensified more and more. he was too shy to say it to my face, so he sent his annoying friends to me, in hopes that i would listen to his woeful tale of desire through them and take pity on him and crush back. they even went as far to say that The Creep had informed his mum about how much he liked me, and that everyone in his family used to tease him about it.

*wail of despair*

The Creep made everything so uncomfortable and awkward. i told him to stop his weird behavior, believe me, i did. since i wanted to avoid him in every way possible at school, i sent him an email over a random weekend concerning the issue. it went something like this:

a short version of my polite and courteous email
please stop crushing on me. i do not share your feelings and it is best that you concentrate on something other than this nonsense, such as YOUR EDUCATION.
The Creep's reply: jusS gImMm3 0n3 cH@nc3 plZzzZz
me: *dies*

i don't know how i managed to survive 8th grade, but i did. it was a terrible, terrible year. i didn't even get to speak properly with any cute guy, because they were all under the impression that i was The Creep's property. no one even listened to me when i told everyone that the rumours circulating were untrue, and quite frankly, totally yuck.

when the summer vacations started, i was SO relieved. i used to get occasional emails during the first few weeks of the holidays (from The Creep's friends) reminding me of the 'pure' and 'undying' love that i should 'claim before it was too late', but other than that i managed to avoid the awkwardness and embarrassment of the entire situation. in 10th grade everything was pretty much normal and it seemed like all was forgotten over the course of the summer. that, or the fact that i switched buses.

when i moved back to Pakistan from Dubai, i missed a lot of people, and still do. i'm happy to inform everyone that The Creep is not one of them. and guess what? i recently got a message (from a friend of The Creep, hah) that The Creep is sorry about everything and he wants my 'forgiveness', and that he 'still loves me'. do you know what i replied?

i ain't forgivin' you, SUCKAAAAA! :D

JK, i'm not that mean. i didn't reply at all, because i didn't want to instigate any kind of revival of the crazy infatuation that guy had over me. though according to his friends, the flame of infatuation never died down. say it with me: ew.


two hundred followers? does anyone remember when i was the loser who blogged about worthless things? well HAHAHA. thank you Saad, for being the 200th :D and thank you everyone, for getting me this far. i love you all more than i love cats, and that's saying something. party in the house, DRINKS ON ME*!!!!

*orange juice

Saturday, April 9, 2011

My Biggest Fear

it's bad.

it's awful.

it's horrible.

it's terrifying.

it's mortifying.

my biggest fear has been realized.



that's right, everyone. if there's one thing in this world that i absolutely loadespate (loathe + despise + hate), it's someone invading my personal space and wiggling their fingers around a 975180423 mm radius of me. *cringes*

it's not tickling, it's torture. what totally annoys me is that people don't realize what kind of trauma i go through at even the thought of being attacked subjected to that kind of action. my fear is so bad, it can actually be classified as a phobia (Pteronophobia).

what's worse than the thought is the actual reaction. it's not the regular "ooh haha don't you dare tickle me, dearie" type at all. it goes something like this:

Evil Human: hey Furree Katt i'm going to tickle you!
Me: *starts crying*

i'm not kidding. most of my family avoids tickling me now. i have a deathly fear of those who don't think it's as serious as i claim it to be, especially when they try to have a little fun and tickle me when i'm with them in enclosed spaces (elevators, cars). 

the reason i'm spilling out my deepest, darkest secret to you tonight is because something really awful happened a few days back and i wouldn't have been able to share it with you without giving you all the above details.

The Day My Fear Turned Into A Real Life Monster With An Incentive To Kill:

DO NOT BE FOOLED BY HIS INNOCENT SPARKLY EYES AND CHARMING HALF-SMILE. this boy was once my favourite student (never again, i tell you. NEVER. AGAIN). till the day he decided to ask me the question i've always dreaded:

"are you ticklish?"

i responded with the usual answer:


he shrugged and walked away.

i thought that was the end of the entire scene. little did i know (lol, i've always wanted to use that phrase!), that disaster was waiting to unfold.

towards the end of the school day, when everyone was done with their work and we were sippin' on our Rose hanging out in the classroom with nothing to do, i stood up from where i was sitting with the intention of going to the teacher's bathroom to wash my face because i was in danger of falling asleep. turns out i didn't need a fat splash of water to wake me up, because as soon as i took a step in the direction of the classroom door, two tiny hands slithered on my waist from behind and eight fingers and two thumbs began their horrendous wiggling.

at first i didn't register what was happening. i attempted to take another step forward but i couldn't, because the little boy had his arms around me and had latched himself on tightly. when i finally realized what was going on i let out a massive 'NOOOOOOOOOO' which was so high-pitched it sounded like this:


needless to say, no one rushed to my assistance because:
- they were all little kids.
- they were too busy laughing at my plight.

i was in an awful situation. i couldn't do anything drastic (shake him off vigorously, smack him) because i would be in danger of violating the Teacher's Useless Be-Nice-To-Evil-Children-No-Matter-What Code of Conduct. in between the squealing and cringing i was doing, i felt a tear escape my left eye. i feel ashamed to admit it, but yes, 'twas a very difficult time.

anyway, all this must have lasted about fifteen seconds, because right then my coordinator walked into the classroom and witnessed the horror. she then let out a giant bellow (she's allowed to shout and scream because she's the coordinator, *oohs and aahs*) which resulted in immediate relief for me as the little monster let go of me in an instant and ran back to his designated seat. the coordinator began telling him off for his behavior, tactfully not looking at me so that i could have a moment to wipe my tears (i will forever be grateful to her for that). right after that the home-time bell rang and i ran out of the classroom as fast as my short legs would take me.


and that, my dear BBFs (blog buddies forever - clever? :D i made it up. muahaha) was the most traumatic experience i have had with a student of mine. there are way more horrific situations i have had to deal with concerning tickling, but when it comes to work, this one takes the cake. and the entire buffet.

lessons learned:
- expel any student who asks if you're ticklish, so that they don't get a chance to do the deed
- go to work equipped with a taser  

and yeah, that's about it. if any of you even think of tickling me at any point, our friendship/blogship is over. goodnight.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The neverending awkwardness.

Home 1
mum: don't you take that tone with me, young lady! otherwise i'll get you married!
me: ...

Home 2
my brother: i hope you get married soon.
me: why?!
my brother: so that your husband can play PlayStation 3 with me since you're no good at it.
me: ...

Relative's Place 1
old lady who i'm somehow related to: my dear you have grown up so much!
dad: yes, she has, hasn't she?
old lady w.i.s.r.t.: how old are you now, child?
me: seventeen.
old lady w.i.s.r.t.: *gasps* seventeen! we must get you married immediately!
dad: *grins*
me: ...

Relative's Place 2
Aunt: who are you texting?
me: nobody.
Aunt: ohhhhh, i see.
me: i'm not texting anybody.
Aunt: boyfriend, eh? *winks*
me: ...

(i was not texting anyone. forgive me if checking my cellphone for the time is Heinous Crime #1)

Work 1
young teacher (she's 21): i haven't seen you for so long even though we work in the same building!
me: i know, i barely get time to come down to the basement anymore.
young teacher: so, how have you been?
me: pretty much normal, you?
young teacher: i've been great. anything new?
me: not really.
young teacher: nothing? but there must be something. eh eh? *sly grin*
me: *confused* no, not really.
young teacher: nothiiiiiing? *wiggles eyebrows*
me: ... no.
young teacher: well my relationship has been going great. me and him meet every single day!
me: *realization dawns* oh.
young teacher: so, have anything to tell me?
me: no.
young teacher: *eyeroll*

Work 2
Random Teacher: oh wow, you look lovely today!
me: really? thank you!
Random Teacher: really. you look absolutely radiant!
me: aww, thanks.
Random Teacher: you look like you're in love!
me: ...

Work 3
student: Miss where is your husband?
me: i don't have a husband.
student: why? did he die?
me: no, i'm not married.
student: then how come you are a teacher, Miss?
me: ...