Sunday, April 28, 2013

I Was A Cat In The Previous Life

Have you ever sat and thought about the possibility of there being a previous life? If so, have you wondered what you were in that life?


... Well, okay. (I guess this proves that I'm the only weirdo hanging around on Blogspot.)

Anyway. A number of strange incidents have taken place which have got me thinking. MAYBE I'M NOT WEIRD, MAYBE THIS IS ALL THE INFLUENCE OF THE PREVIOUS LIFE ON MY EXISTENCE! (Don't laugh at me.)

What was I in the previous life, though?

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pretty sure I was a cat.

Yes, a cat. I'm sure most of you expected this, considering the fact that you read the title of this post before reading this line. So stop lauding yourselves on your guesswork skills, please.

And what exactly are these incidents that make me sure that I was a cat in my previous life, you ask? (Perhaps you didn't ask that, but whatever.) I shall reveal two of them to you. Read on:

1. The Day I Ate Cat Food


You guys must be disgusted. But please do not write me off as a psychotic just yet. I'm aware of my strangeness, which makes me a neurotic. So yeah. You can call me a neurotic.


Actually, I can't. But I can definitely tell you what happened.

It all started when, on one fine day, I adhered to my usual routine and took out a fresh tin of cat food to feed my cat.

As I was dolloping the cat food into my cat's bowl, a strange thought occurred to me.

(I've never actually done "hmmmmm", but whatever)

I'm pretty sure I'm not the first person to wonder about this. A study (that may or may not have been conducted in my imagination) states that 75% of pet owners have spared a thought about the taste of the food they were feeding their pets. This means it was perfectly normal for me to wonder whether the duck flavored cat food I fed my cat actually tasted like duck.

Being the impulsive person that I am, I decided to TASTE the cat food. I took a tiny plastic spoon from the kitchen cupboard. Then, I sat next to my cat whilst she was hogging away on the food in her bowl. I moved her aside, stuck the spoon in, took out a chunk of duck, and popped it in my mouth. The scene that followed can be explained through this picture:

That's me, tasting the cat food. That's my cat, staring at me in great indignation and astonishment. (I don't blame her. I would have looked the same way at someone who would have rudely interrupted me while I was eating just to take a bite out of my food without my permission.)

The cat food, unsurprisingly, was tasteless (LOL did you really think anyone was going to make any kind of effort to make animals enjoy their food?). Really. It was like putting a soft block of nothing in my mouth. (This is because cats can't have salt or sugar, so their food is just stuff to fill their tummy, and has no real taste.)

2. The Day I Groomed My Cat

It all started when one day, my cat looked at me in expectation.

Knowing my cat, I figured out that she wanted to be petted. Being the nice, kind and loving owner that I am, I pet her.

The petting was going well. She was purring in contentment.

All of a sudden, another strange thought occurred to me (the first strange thought being about the taste of cat food, for all my dear readers who suffer from short-term memory loss).

Would my cat like to be groomed by me?!

Now, I'm expecting all of you to make weird retching noises whilst reading this. Otherwise you're probably as strange as I am.

I stopped petting my cat. I leaned in, stuck my tongue out, and sort of bonked her on the head with it.

The above picture is slightly misleading. I SWEAR it was just a couple of bonks. Not seven licks. LOL the more I look at that picture, the more creeped out I get. But yes, my cat gave me the 'DAFUQ?!' expression, which made me realize that she probably is satisfied with grooming herself on her own, thank you very much.

Needless to say, I was slightly embarrassed. (And my cat was extremely irritated.)

I can explain myself, though.

You see, I had my cat ever since she was a baby kitten. She's mostly been by herself all these years (3, to be exact), and I couldn't help but wonder whether my cat was deprived of her mum's love or not. I always saw her groom herself and thought to myself, perhaps she would like to be pampered and cleaned by her mum, too. And since her mum wasn't around, the only substitution would be me. I think the fact that I felt a little sorry for my cat contributed to the reasons behind my actions. (Nevertheless, it was still incredibly weird.)


Taking the above events into consideration (there are more, but I'm too lazy to type them down and draw them out), I would like to state that I'm pretty sure all of this means that I was a cat in the previous life. Eating cat food. Attempting to lick my cat. WHAT MORE PROOF DO I NEED?! I have spent much time contemplating what kind of cat I was. A Siamese? Persian? Egyptian Mau? Scottish Fold? A boring Tabby? Using all my knowledge about felines as well as my super-amazing imagination, I have created a picture of what I look like now, and what I'm pretty sure I looked like before (beware: the accuracy of the picture may be too much for your tiny heart to handle). Here:


I'm out.