The Family That Almost Got Me Killed

Most of my memories of childhood are marred with one trauma or the other, but this one sticks out the most.

I was only 6 years old, and my dad had made a new friend at work. His friend had a daughter who was my age, and as overly enthusiastic parents tend to do, both the dads forced us to meet and become acquainted. For the sake of this story, I'll call the daughter... 'Evil Kid'.

Now, my memories of us first meeting are pretty fuzzy - but I know that my parents planned a playdate at our house. My mom took painstaking measures to ensure we had a fun time, which involved a 'pool party' in our tub - complete with swimming costumes, bubble bath, and toys. And parental supervision, of course.

Out of the societal pressures of reciprocation, I was invited to spend the day at the daughter's house. 

Now, going to Evil Kid's house would have been fine, had that kid and her mom not been... BATSHIT INSANE.

I knew something was wrong the second I entered the house. The smiley demeanor of Evil Kid's mother, which was present whenever I encountered her previously, had suddenly disappeared. With an abruptness, she handed me a towel and said (almost in a scolding manner) "go take a shower if you want". 

A shower? I was so confused.

It dawned on me many years later that a 'shower' was Evil Kid's Mom's answer to the 'Pool Party' me and her daughter had at my place. As if those two were remotely similar??? And the fact that she expected me to 'shower' on my own for entertainment - with no swimsuit or toys, or even her own daughter involved - was super sketchy.

I politely refused, and I was ushered into playing some random games with Evil Kid. All seemed to be going well, until Evil Kid's Mom proposed that we go to the balcony to look at the birds. 

Birds? That sounded fun! As I entered the balcony, Evil Kid's Mom pushed me ahead and slammed the door shut behind me. My stomach turned as I heard the click of the lock. Why did she lock me out in her balcony? A part of me thought it might be a game - my 6-year-old brain was scrambling to find a reason for this woman's actions. Perhaps they were planning a surprise for me inside, and this was a method to keep me out of the way for a few minutes? 

I looked around the balcony to find the birds. Perhaps they would be cute and colorful, and kept in cages? But there was nothing. 

Nothing, until I looked up.

Horror dawned upon me as I saw crows circling the balcony. Crows that seemed to be coming closer and closer, swooping lower and lower each time. And all of a sudden, before I could even blink, one of  them made a beeline for me and pecked me hard on my head.

I shrieked and immediately tried to open the door. It was locked. I screamed as a second crow swooped down to peck me. (Writing this down sends shivers through my body, as I can clearly recall the pain of the hard pecks on my head.) This situation was something I couldn't have even had nightmares about - it was beyond my comprehension. After what seemed like an eternity with the attacking crows, the door swung open and Evil Kid and her mother stood cackling. The sinister gleam in the mother's eyes was something I will never forget.

"Did you have fun?" She asked.

I think my brain did me a favor by blocking out what happened within those moments after I ran inside the house for shelter. All I remember is, after that entire ordeal, Evil Kid's Dad was on the scene and excitedly offered to take us kids to the park. Getting out of that house was a relief, to say the least.

But little did I know, my day of terror was not over.

Now, you must be wondering - why on earth is the kid in this story being referred to as Evil, when so far, the mother has been the primary villain of my story?

It's because of what happened next.

As a child, I had never been left in a park to play - even with friends or cousins - without there being a responsible adult involved. However, Evil Kid's parents wasted no time in dropping us to a remote park after sunset and scrambling away for some "alone time". Being only 6 years old, I wasn't as skeeved out as I should have been, especially since I immediately got distracted by the rides in front of me.

If my memory serves me well, there was a merry-go-round, a sandbox, a see-saw, and those weird animals on springs that you need to hold on to for dear life so that you don't get catapulted into the stratosphere. But the one that caught my eye (and unfortunately, Evil Kid's eye too)... was The Slide.

The Slide was a magnanimous structure smack dab in the middle of the park. To me, it looked as tall as a small building (in reality, it was probably only 7 feet tall, max). Instead of having a ladder or stairs to get to the top however, this slide had a weird grill-and-monkey-bar structure which one had to navigate it order to reach the top.

Evil Kid suggested we have a race. I naively agreed.

I climbed, and climbed, and climbed with all my might. Being somewhat of a pudgy child, I never really saw being an American Ninja Warrior in my destiny - but that is exactly what I became in order to reach the top. And despite Evil Kid's claims of being the fastest one around, I beat her. I was about to turn around and gloat, when I felt a small hand on my back....

And a push.

When the push happened, I instinctively closed my eyes. The drop simultaneously felt years long and milliseconds short. 

I hit the ground. There was a CCRRRAAACKKKKK. Then silence. 

Then... pain shot up my entire right side.

I screamed.

It felt like I was screaming, sobbing, and whimpering in pain forever before help (if you can call it that) arrived in the form of Evil Kid's dad. I remember him crouching over me and asking me what was wrong, and all I could say in between sobs was that it hurt.

He picked me up in this arms and rushed me to the car, where Evil Kid's mom was sitting in suspicion. Most of my memory of this part is pretty fuzzy, but one thing stands out clearly - the mom asked me if I wanted... a Happy Meal.

Uh, NO THANKS?>>>???

I told her I wanted to go home. The ride home felt years long - but finally we arrived at my place, and I remember sitting in the back seat of the car in the dark while Evil Kid's parents rushed out to try and get their side of the story out to my parents before I could. 

It didn't make a difference though, because my parents didn't want to hear any of their nonsense - they came rushing straight to me, precariously removed me from the back seat - every single movement causing excruciating pain to jolt up my entire arm and torso - and asked me what happened.

I wasted no time in exposing Evil Kid for pushing me off the slide (yes, off the side of the slide, not down it, much to Evil Kid's parents' dismay) and my parents were LIVID.

Everything after that happened in a blur - I was rushed to the hospital, where the doctor informed my parents that I had broken my collarbone in three places.

The recovery took 3 months.

While writing this post, I corroborated a lot of information from my mom. She shared many other details that I wasn't previously aware of, which really showcased how warped that Evil Family was, such as: 

• Evil Kid's mother was distraught that her husband would 'lose his job' over this (because my dad and him were colleagues) - that's all she cried to my mom about when I was in hospital
• Evil Kid denied pushing me, and said I 'fell by myself'
• Evil Kid's mother kept bringing up how she offered me a Happy Meal, as if that were to make up for her horrendous babysitting skills
• The reason why I had felt like the ride home from the park took ages was because Evil Kid's parents were purposely stalling while trying to figure out what to say to my parents before facing them

It's safe to say that I never saw Evil Kid or her parents ever again.