The Insane Amount of Cats I Have

Ladies and Gentlemen.

I, Furree Katt, have a confession to make.

I am a crazy cat lady.

Yes, you are allowed to gasp in surprise, look down upon me in contempt, and evict me from your lives. You can slam the door on my face, unfollow my blog, and jeer at me. I am ashamed of myself. I have turned into a monster, way before my time. I admit to have fallen into the inescapable web of madness that only middle aged and depressed women go through...

With the help of my ZILLION cats.

Okay, perhaps there aren't a zillion, but there are at least a million.

And I am going to tell you about them.

Ignore the above picture, that's totally not the real me trapped inside the world of cats trying her best to escape. Nope, not me at all.

Let us start with my very own house cat.

Boys and girls, this is Kuchi. She is nearly 3 years old, extremely fat, and...

SCARED OF HUMANS.

Yep. You read that right. Kuchi is the most terrified cat in the whole world. If she hears the doorbell ring, she will bolt under the bed and hide till she's sure that no stranger is around anymore. If she hears someone's voice that doesn't belong to the people who live inside our house, she goes absolutely ballistic. She hates people.

Kuchi, forlornly staring out into space, hoping against all hope that she won't come into contact with any human today.

When we first got her, she was a little kitten with a massive problem. Apparently, she and her siblings had been mistreated by a couple of little kids (picked up and flung around, chased up and down) when they were with their previous owners. Hence, all the kittens, who are now massive and healthy cats, are traumatized, leading them to be scared of anyone they don't know.

It took Kuchi at least a month to become completely comfortable with all of us, and the house in general. She used to stay holed up under the bed for ages, only coming out for eating and pooping. Gradually, she began venturing out of the room and exploring the house. We've had her for over two years now, and we are the only people she trusts. I am proud to say that she is the most attached to me, because I feed her and clean her poop the most.

We had another cat who used to live inside the house, whose name was Moomoo. He passed away recently. You can read my tribute post to him here. Since he was loved by everyone, I'm including this picture of him:

Moomoo, like a boss. We love you and miss you!

Now, for all the cats that live outside my house. These are the strays. But they're not exactly stray. They are surprisingly friendly and loving, and depend on us for food (they don't hunt)! These cats have the same line of ancestors, with the earliest being a stray cat that my aunt adopted when she was 11. That means the line of cats passed down to us has spanned over 35 years! That's gotta be some kind of record. There were more cats than the ones I am posting below, but I won't include them because they died more than a few years ago. They were the ancestors of these cats:

This is Gugu. DO NOT LAUGH. My brother names all the cats, because he has the most active imagination amongst us all. Gugu is nearly a year old, but she looks almost the same as when she was born. Gugu is my favorite amongst all the strays. She's the only one that obeys me and accepts me as her Master Owner Extraordinaire (which all of them should, but whatever).

This was Gugu as a baby kitten!

I have witnessed her birth, as well as her siblings' (they all ran away and left Gugu behind, which is fine by me, because seriously I'D RATHER NOT BE MORE CRAZY THAN I AM NOW), and that's what makes her so special. She has grown up in front of my eyes, and is always desperate to be picked up and cuddled. However, once given sufficient love and attention, she's gonna give her 'whatever' face, as seen in the above photo. LOL.

This is Chuchumama (again, please refrain from laughing). Chuchumama is Gugu's mum. She grew up in front of us, too. She's adorable, but lately she's become a bit scared of us and only comes four or five times a week rather than living in our garden. She must be nearly two years old. She has low patience for the other cats, and prefers home cooked meat as opposed to tinned cat food (unbelievable, right?).

This is Exorcistu. Yes, that's right. My brother named her this, as her 'meow' sounds like a scream of death, like a banshee predicting a massacre, like there's a demon inside her. Regardless of her horrific vocals, she's quite cute and loving. She also has a black spot under her nose which is reminiscent of Hitler's mustache. Exorcistu is Chuchumama's sister.

This is Exorcistu and Chuchumama's brother. He is quiet, and almost as terrified of everyone as Kuchi is. However, he has a penchant of cuddling with his siblings, who usually slap him and tell him to stfu (at least that's what I can interpret  from their hisses). He resembles Michael Jackson a little. We haven't named him yet. We just refer to him as Exorcistu's brother.

This is Billoo. She is Chuchumama's, Exorcistu's and Exorcistu's Brother's mother. Which makes her Gugu's grandmother. This was a picture of her before she even had Chuchumama. SHE'S SO UGLY. But she's not the ugliest. Wait till you see...

DOLL CAT. We named her Doll Cat not because she looked like a cute doll. But because she looked like:

AREN'T I RIGHT?! Ladies and gentlemen, Dollcat is Billoo's mother. Which makes her Gugu's GREAT GRAND MOTHER. How the hell is she even alive? Don't ask me. But whatever it is, she's evil.

Moving on:

This is Gugu's brother. Plot twist: He doesn't belong in the family at all, but he came to our house out of nowhere and never left. Plus he looks so much like Gugu that they could have been twins in some parallel universe. We haven't named him either, so we just refer to him as - wait for it - GUGU'S BROTHER. LOL. He hasn't entirely warmed up to us, but the rest of the cats don't mind his presence so he just lives here and eats the food we give.

This is Mehndu (name derived from Mehndi, which means Henna, since the cat is the ugly colour of faded Henna LOL). We still don't know whether it's a male or female. We never got the opportunity to check it, if you know what I mean. I think Mehndu is a tranvestite. Anyway, I despise this cat. The only reason it exists with the other cats is because it REFUSES to leave, regardless of what we do. Mehndu always fought with Moomoo, and it also often has spats with many of the others. But since it has chosen our household as it's home, we feed it and take care of it like we do with all the others.

And finally:

This is Meena. She's not our cat anymore, but since I never mentioned her on my blog before, I thought I should share her picture with you guys. Meena was our cat when we used to live in Dubai. She was awesome. When my family and I had to move back to Pakistan, we gave her to our neighbor. Meena is healthy and happy, with 3 kittens that look just like her! She turned 5 years old this Christmas.

OMG. After reading all the above, I'm sure you must be slapping yourselves for ever thinking I was normal. Seriously. Underneath my fairly boring and noncommittal exterior, I AM A RAGING CRAZY CAT LADY MONSTER. Someone please buy me this so that my life can be complete:

Thank you.

And before you think too badly of me, I would like to enlighten you all with this unbelievable yet totally authentic piece of information:

My Psychology tutor has TWENTY SIX CATS. So there. 

(Since this is my last blog post for December, I hope you all have a very happy new year! See you on the other side.)

A mix of stuff I ought to have posted long ago

Yo peeps.

Okay, that made me sound like a complete idiot.

Hello, world.

If there's one thing everyone knows about me, I'm extremely lazy. 

LAZY FACE. Just look at that lazy face.

Which is why I've been putting off a lot of things, including accepting blog awards and answering questions that I got tagged in.

Since I've got some new followers recently (thanks a mil, you guys) who probably won't bother reading my previous posts to get to know me for who I am (again, thanks a mil), I'm going to use this opportunity to finally get around to acknowledging the blog award + questions, and state some facts which will hopefully give some of you some kind of information for your stalking purposes and the like.

But before I get to all of that, you guys need to look at this:

OMG IT'S MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Dorsey, who writes at Growls By Sprouls, drew me. YES, THIS IS ME. Isn't this the cutest thing in the entire universe? It was the best surprise ever. DORSEY IS THE BEST. Go and check out his blog now. He draws better than I ever can, plus his posts are 50000x funnier, too. He has his own web comic series. And he may write a guest post for my blog, provided I can hold off my laziness and write one for him, too. Yayness!

SORRY I JUST HAD TO. I stole Dorsey's self portrait from his Facebook page. Since his background was the flag of his country (USA), I drew myself on Pakistan's flag too LOL)

That's me, being totally starstruck standing next to Dorsey.

Moving on, here are the questions that I have been asked by Rafya and Stephanie.

Rafya's Questions: 

What is your favourite book?

OH MY GOD. This is the most unfair question in the world. I probably have more favourite books than anyone in this entire universe. But if you really expect an answer, I'd have to say Desperation by Stephen King.

What is your craziest childhood memory?

I CAN'T REMEMBER. I swear. I doubt I've done anything in my childhood that would classify as 'crazy'.

Your favourite time of the day?

I always miss mornings because I'm sleeping in late. But on the rare occasion that I actually wake up in the morning, I use up that time to read or write (since my mornings are free). So I'd have to say morning, LOL.

Your favourite season?

Winter! So cold and nice and devoid of snow so we have really nice weather with no inconveniences.

Up till now which birthday has been most fun and why? (all apologies to Furree for what happened with her :p )

DUDE I totally hate you for this question, haha. Um. I don't really have a favourite birthday. Perhaps my 9th? It was pretty awesome, actually. There were more than a hundred people and a magician and stuff.

The song that you always hum when you're doing something?

PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME BUT IT'S LOVE MERA HIT HIT.

Your first ever writing that you wrote?

If you don't count school stuff, I wrote my own story when I was 5. It was about a dolphin and her adventures as she swam around the ocean and made friends with sharks, whales, and turtles.

How did you start blogging ?

I started my first blog when I was 12 (it was not this one, of course). I think I got influenced by a relative of mine who ran her own website. I really wanted a space to make online friends and write whatever I wanted.

The craziest thing you've done uptil now? 

Err. Sneaked out of the house with my boyfriend at night? Had so much sheesha I threw up? Made a zillion fake accounts on Facebook and stalked + pestered a hundred people with them? LOTS OF STUFF LOL. But nothing too crazy, you know.

The best moment of your life?

Oh dear. I don't really know. In all honesty, I have yet to experience a moment that I can call my 'best'.

And here is the award she gave me! Thank you, Rafya:

Look at it. It's glorious.

Stephanie's Questions:

What's one thing you want for Christmas?
LOL. I have no idea. I don't celebrate Christmas. But supposing I did, I would probably ask for the entire Dark Tower Series by Stephen King.

What do you think our kids will say about the music we listen to? What will you say back?
Our kids will probably react the same way as we do to our own parents' music - love it, or hate it. I wouldn't impose my tastes upon them, though I'm pretty sure I can convince my son to like Drake. Haha.

Would you rather be eaten alive by kittens, or lick a hobo clean?
Eaten alive by kittens, definitely. Such a cute and fluffy way to die. (And ANYTHING beats a licking a hobo, seriously)

If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself?

I would probably tell myself to stop being so nice to certain people (I would have an entire list of names, in fact), because these people have just taken advantage of my niceness and given nothing in return.

What's one thing you're really bad at that you'd love to do well?
Swimming. I swear, I am like a handicapped cat in the water. I am extremely horrible at swimming, and that's the one thing I would love to be awesome at. Imagine if someone threw me in the pool for a joke and I DROWNED? O.O I have to be able to save my own life, you know.

How do you feel about bleached blonde hair?
Absolutely love it. I tried coontails, once (horizontal blonde stripes in my hair) with bleach and they looked brilliant. The entire hair being bleached is something only brave people can pull off, and I admire them for that.

Would you rather be a Yankee or a Southerner?

Um. Forgive my lack of knowledge on American people. I don't know, really. A Southerner? Haha.

Have you ever written a letter to Santa? Do you remember if you got what you wanted?
I never wrote to Santa. However, my parents made me believe in a tooth-mouse (as opposed to a tooth fairy) who came and took teeth away and gave candy in return. I always got candy!

How old were you when you had your first crush?

I think I was three. A little boy in Kindergarten promised to marry me if I shared my skittles with him. Needless to say, I agreed. I think that's my first crush, or the earliest that I can remember. :P

Do you prefer the country or the city?
City.

Do you want to be rich when you grow up?

YES YES YES OF COURSE! I want to be rich and be able to buy whatever I want and live a life of luxury. And of course, to have loads of money to be able to help out the society and contribute to noble causes and charity organizations. I would love to be rich.

And it's not over. Apparently I have to write 11 facts about myself. Here goes:

11 Facts About Me (who else, SERIOUSLY?!?!?!)

1. I forgot to wear socks with my sneakers today and now my feet smell. DEAL WITH IT, UNIVERSE.
2. I used to have a cartoon crush on Ben 10. Shut up. He was amazing.
3. I have more pictures of myself making hideous faces than nice ones. It's a habit of mine to try out the ugliest faces possible, to beat my previous ugly faces. 
4. I want a bridge piercing. (Contrary to popular belief, I DO have the permission to get this particular piercing by my parents. However, it is impractical for the future in terms of university and career, so I'd rather sacrifice this desire than be faced with complications all my life)
5. I am my cat's personal poop and hairball cleaner. No one cleans her dirt except me. Sadness.
6. I enjoy watching Kashish TV. You are free to judge me on this one, fellow countrymen.
7. I have yet to see Student Of The Year.
8. I was a cow in the previous life (FACT. PROVE ME WRONG ON THIS ONE.)
9. I have 54 Stephen King books.
10. I forgot what I wanted to say because my cousin is blaring out The Weeknd's songs and I can't concentrate.
11. After my wonderful teaching experience, I would now like to pursue Student Counseling as a career.

OKAY! We are done. If you got this far, I thank you with all my heart. I know how tedious these question-answer posts can be. Here's a picture of my bookshelf to verify Fact #9:

Count the Stephen King books, I dare you.

That's all for now! Be prepared for a crap-load of cats in the next post.

P.S. OMG, I (almost) totally forgot. Merry Christmas to everyone who is celebrating it! I hope you guys have a wonderful day and a great holiday week. And of course, since 25th December is also the birth anniversary of Pakistan's founder Quaid-e-Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah, I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for giving us this wonderful country. YAY and stuff.

The LOL That Killed The Convo - Guest Post by Urooj Hussain

First of all, I would like to thank Furree Katt for inviting me to write a guest post on her blog. Thanks Furree, love you! ^__^ 

And here is my post:

If there was ever a conversation killer in this world, if there was anything that has always mercilessly slaughtered the art of gab, it has been the word (usually when it is a response to something):

'LOL'.

People rarely ever use it now as a means to communicate via text or online communication that they are actually “laughing out loud”.

like this.

They instead seem to use it when they are nothing else to say or else say it when they are actually not finding something funny at all. So basically it just gets really sarcastic and whenever someone says “lol” to something that I have said I take it to mean one of these things:

Oh crap, she stumped me.

I wish you'd just shut up!

Let me give you the following examples that I have experienced:

Me: Hi! What’s up?

Random Friend:  Hey nothing much, just brushing up on my literature. I’m reading

Me: oh that’s great! I love to read. What are you reading?

Random Friend: Twilight! I love Edward!

Me: Err…You call that literature?

Random Friend: yes of course, amazing, never read anything like it ever, simply amazing!

Me: Dude, what world are you living in? You call tales of glittery metro-sexual vampire ‘literature’? Why don’t you try reading Hemingway, or at least for a start try Roald Dahl or something?

Random Friend: lol…

^and that’s where the convo ended. I mean for heavens sake! They could just have said that no they prefer light reading or that you LIKE glittery vampires but no, they had to just say ’lol’ and just leave the conversation hanging in the middle of nowhere because they really couldn’t bother to defend their case. I seriously don’t think my friend in question was ‘laughing out loud’ at any point here at all.

Another example:

Friend: Hey what are you doing this summer?

Me: I am going to take extra math classes.

Friend: That’s good, I am going to volunteer at a camp for retarded kids

Me: That is inappropriate use of the word, say “special” kids

Friend: lol

I really didn’t see the LOL in that at all..

I even remember a time when LOL used to be cool. I think it was somewhere back in high school (around 2002) when I first learnt the use of the term. I was not very much into internet slang and for the longest time I didn’t even know what it meant (and nor did most people my age). When we did eventually find out, it was actually thought to be really cool, and was used very carefully and appropriately as one might use the word “misanthrope” or “circumnavigation”. Not like it is used now, spewn everywhere like pigeon droppings for lack of things to say!

That is about as much as I am going to vent now. I’d love to hear your lol (lack thereof rather) story.

Urooj Hussain is a smart working woman and a really cool writer. Check out her blog, Work In Progress.

Potter Mania - Guest Post By Lioness Without A Pride

Hello, readers of Furree's blog! 

I'm LWAP! 

The post you are about to read <is extremely hot> is the fruition of many many days' and nights' imploring, coaxing and subsequent nay-saying (from my end)  and finally, arm-twisting and tsk-tsking from the lovely Furree, whose determination to wring out a guest post from me is the reason why I am even writing all of this now. Sitting on my bed. Wrapped up in blankets. Laptop and courage held in a firm grip by my keyboard-warmed, not-having-blogged-in-many-many-months-and-hence-rusty hands. For you must admit that it does take courage to submit my ramblings to FIVE. HUNDRED. AND COUNTING. pairs of eyes, that too when said ramblings are, in my true style, very rambly. Oh my god, did I just ramble about rambling? ANYWAY enough with the dillying and the dallying. The post I've written is about something that was a big part of my childhood - and millions of others', as I have found out, ever since I acquainted myself with the Internet - and is not so much a phenomenon as much as it is a.. mania. 

Yes, you've guessed it right, freeze your incredulously widening eyes - it's POTTER MANIA! 

Phase 1: The Beginning of a Life-Long Affair

Little Shrija is walking along one summer evening alongside a dusty, much-populated road in Bangalore, Karnataka. 

She is accompanied by her mother, her mother's mother and her uncle, who have dragged her out with them, enforcing her to abandon whatever it is she did to keep herself amused and entertained before she discovered that which was to change her life forever. 

She is walking quickly and with irritated eyes, hoping to finish with the adults' silly excursion as soon as possible and get back home before she melts in the sweltering evening air. Yes, she remembers it all this vividly, remembers her uncle halting suddenly with a cry, remembers the hawker who was the reason for him to have done so. Remembers her uncle, oh that well-informed soul, recognizing the treasure he had beheld instantaneously, and buying immediately books 1, 2, 3 and 4 in their pirated, paper-back form. Remembers the stern voice of her uncle as he thrust the then seemingly voluminous tomes into her hand, saying "I want you to read all of these before summer is over." 

And that is all it takes. Like any great and timeless love affair worth its salt, it all starts by accident, with a wisp of perchance or persnickety..

Phase 2: The Obsession

Little Shrija was always one to take the words of elders to heart.

On coming back home, she dutifully makes her way over to the calm and cool master bedroom, away from all the hungama and the heat. Perching herself onto a comfortable corner on the bed, she begins to read. 

And that was that. 

Phase 3: The Obsession Deepens

The next day, Shrija's uncle brings home the Philosopher's Stone DVD.

By this time, Shrija has finished book 1, and is halfway through book 2. Giddy with excitement - for it was the first time that a book she has read has been made into a movie - and beside herself with the hopes of finding the actual likeness of the characters she has just acquainted herself with but has already started to love, she scrambles to a spot as close to the TV as physically possible, and as is acceptable by her mother's standards. With the book in her hands open to the relevant page, she sits through the entire movie without moving a muscle. 

That is when she realises that movies are always, always, anti-climactic. She thinks Harry is perfect, of course, and immediately begins crushing on him - a different kind of obsession, which is to last for an embarrassingly long time . She likes Hermione as well, and though she thinks Ron looks a little funny, she likes him too. She thinks Snape is much too scary, and loves McGonagall with her wrinkly skin and gumption-filled eyes. However it is Dumbledore she loves the most, Dumbledore that she thinks looks just as she has imagined, aided by the drawing on the booksleeve. 

She also realises that her eyes now have a sparkly, shiny aspect to them which, as she later will understand, characterise love, passion and appreciation, and will forever be the signs and the corresponding feelings with which she will identify these sentiments.

Phase 4: The Obsession Establishes Itself

Shrija is now a preteen. 

While on holiday, she inadvertently visits Hogwarts as shown in the first two movies, and Diagon Alley. 

She gets to share this experience with her younger sister, something which, she is sure, helped bring them closer to each other . 

She finishes reading book 5 by now, and is eagerly awaiting the release of book 6. 

By now she also manages to finish watching movies 1 to 3 in DVD. 

Nothing, nothing can explain the horror she experiences when she sees the New Dumbledore. 

Immediately she starts to hate the movies even more than she already did. 

Until one day, her friend, her perfect kind amazingly generous friend!!!!!!!!!, invites her to go watch the fourth movie for a nightshow ON THE DAY IT WAS TO RELEASE. She goes, needless to say. Till date it is her best movie-viewing experience in life. The shared excitement, the shared shock at the parts that were mercilessly chopped off (NO QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP????), the hooting and the cheering, and the Hermione scene. Oh, the Hermione scene, the way the theatre, the entire movie theatre cheered for her during her grand entry. It may just be her favourite movie scene of all time, too. 

And Cedric. Shrija distinctly remembers the way she completely and embarrassingly fan-girled all over Cedric. Much to her friend and friend's mum's joint amusement. But then again it was already established that Shrija had/has a bit of a Harry Potter guy fixation. Just a bit. 

And then come the quizzes. 

Harry Potter quizzes.

Conducted in schools. 

Conducted in colleges.

Conducted in bookstores.

Shrija attends them all.

Even wins a few. 

She attends Harry Potter themed Christmas celebrations, has a Harry Potter cake for her birthday <that turns out HORRIFICALLY TRAGICALLY UGLY>, gets Harry Potter related presents, and is slowly growing up with the comforting companion that is this mania by her side all the time; which enables her to strike up conversations with her peers easily, helps her makes new friends, and most importantly, gives her something to look forward to and cheer for along with the millions of other like-minded souls around the world. She feels such a sense of belonging with the elite yet welcoming clique of the Pottermaniacs of the world. 

Yes, indeed, she discovers that there are others like her in all parts of the world, thanks to that most powerful of all communicational tools, the Internet. There is a point when she visits Mugglenet daily and reads up on all the amazing trivia, and news, and eventually.. fanfiction. 

But that is another phase altogether.

Phase 5: Disillusionment 

Another one of Shrija's uncles buys her Book 6 and gives it to her the very next day after its day of release in India. 

It is the first hard bound genuine copy she is to own. Shrija doesn't know how to react. It is the sweetest thing he's ever done for her. She thanks god for giving her so many uncles all of whom seemingly want to fuel her obsession. She wastes not a second in reading it that very day. 

She has already heard from her spoil-sport friends in class who had managed to read it before her that dies. She had been filled with disbelief then but as she is reading it late into the night, she is dumbstruck. She feels an overwhelming sense of anti-climax when she finishes the book. She can't believe what she's read. How can she have done this???????? 

But she is convinced that is not bad. She is convinced despite the overwhelming evidence to the opposite. 

And she knows right away who RAB is. It's so obvious. And sad. She can't believe she has to wait two more years for the next book! 

Then one day after class Shrija and her English teacher are talking about the books. 

It is then that he breaks the illusion for her, with all the effortlessness of a cheetah breaking a gazelle's long and slender neck. He rips away from her the warm and comforting cocoon she was hitherto ensconced in with the words, "The writing is not all that great, it's only mediocre." 

Shrija is struck dumb yet again. She nods helplessly, agreeing with him that "The story is gripping, though, and that is what credits her success" before walking back to her place and slumping down in a stupor of sorts. She doesn't think the books will ever be the same for her. 

Phase 6: Acceptance 

Shrija does not watch the 5th and the 6th movies as soon as they are released. 

She accepts that she is 'grown up' now, and can no longer be silly-ly hung up about things like fictional magical worlds. In fact she hears her father saying something to that affect one day, and is glad. She is. 

When Book 7 is released, she borrows it from a friend and reads it, not right away but within the first few days. 

She falls back in love again.

She can't believe that she could ever pretend that fictional magical worlds had no effect on her. For they DID. 

She feels like something huge in her life has come to an end. She wishes there was more, that the end were drawn out for a bit longer. It is all so overwhelming. She wishes she had written it in two parts. But of course she understands her reason for having exactly 7 books, no more, no less. 

She watches movies 5 and 6 now in the hopes of making up for what she has missed. Despite her earlier belief that the movies weren't all that great, she appreciates them now for what they are.

She accepts that her mania is sort of a life-long thing, and though she is 'growing up', it doesn't mean that that part of her will ever leave her. 

She watches Part 1 of the seventh movie online, and manages to GO TO THE THEATRE FOR THE NIGHT SHOW FOR THE LAST MOVIE. She is beyond excited, but her excitement is not shared by her companions this time. They - her friends, her friend's dad, her friend's neighbours - all ridicule openly and loudly the overall cheesiness of it, and though she finds herself secretly empathizing with them in certain parts - because of the inaccuracies! She hates those! - she doggedly tries to savour it as best as she could. For this was, after all, the culmination of all the things she held dear ever since she was a child. 

But then Voldy hugs Draco. 

And she gives up trying. 

She hates the epilogue with all her heart. 

She never watches the movie again, unlike the others. 

Phase 7: Fanfiction, or The Obsession Lives On (omg I wasn't planning for seven phases it just happened!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg POETIC JUSTICE) 

It is now more than a year after the end of the phenomenon. But the mania lives on. In other, less mainstream ways..

Shrija remembers her initial days of reading fanfiction from Mugglenet and one day decides to find some more to read. AND THAT WAS THAT. 

She finds fanfiction.net, and thus begins a whole other kind of mania. 

~

Maybe one day she will write one of her own. Maybe. 

But now, now she can't go to sleep without reading a fic or two at night. She is hooked, and it is her guilty pleasure. She has read.. many, many things, some downright disturbing, some sweet, some angst-y, but mostly ALL HOT HOT HOT. And she LOVES IT. Loves that through these fics she is back to obsessing over her favourite characters albeit in different ways than before, but mostly, she loves the closure that she gets when she reads fanfics. Because these fics have better versions of the epilogue. The AUs help to imagine a more satisfying direction to the lives of the characters, and she loves the flexibility of it all. There are fics and theories and scenarios to fit her every mood and whim, she is literally spoiled for choice. 

And this is the stage at which she is now. Living in a bubble of fluff and smut and slash and all the deliciously naughty yet fulfilling words that she has managed to learn while indulging in this particular obsession. 

She now is waiting to see what new turn this obsession/mania/life-long relationship is going to take. Maybe she will read it to her kids. Maybe not. Maybe she will hoard it all to herself. Maybe it will be the deciding factor for her when the time comes to choose a life partner! 

All she knows is that whether she acknowledges it or not, this phenomenon will always remain a part of her. 

x

Shrija (aka Lioness Without A Pride) is a perfect writer. Every word she types out is beautiful and expressive and opulent and intelligent and magnificent. I LOVE HER. Visit her amazing blog Bespectacled Views and FORCE her to start blogging regularly again! The world needs more of LWAP. Seriously.

So, I'm back on Twitter.

After ages and ages and ages. 

With a new handle, for a fresh start. I really missed everyone. For those who voted on the poll, thank you. :)

If you're on Twitter, please do let me know! 

You can click on the image below to get to my profile.

Yay, and stuff!

Pose. No Pastry. No Picasso. No Pills. Damn No Pancake. NOOO Pitcher. OH HO POST*. Guest Post. I Hate Autocorrect :P (By Hamza Bin Ladin)

WARNING: Please avoid reading this post if you are allergic to bullshit. Because once you start reading it you’ll get jinxed and scarred for life. Not only you, your seven generations will be affected by this post so please save your great-great-great-grand-son by averting your eyes from this webpage and go elsewhere. 

                                               

After fifteen days of constant dancing and partying I’ve finally managed to write down this guest post for my/our most favorite blogger. I've been living on cloud 9 ever since I saw this on my Facebook wall.  

                                 

She was crying multiple shades of grey blue, which is not normal at all!

To which I responded:  

*please be kind enough to ignore my appalling Paint skills*

*Ahem*

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen. I'm Hamza and I do not like my name at all. Don't get me wrong. It's a pretty decent name. Also, the definitions of Hamza at the Urban Dictionary is pretty apt too. Hehe. 

There’s so much fuss about names. You know what, in my opinion people should not be allowed to keep a name that already has been taken. This would invoke creativity in people and we’ll be able to have really cool names. Also people won’t have any trouble claiming twitter accounts with their real names so end of user-names like Jack69 or PrincessAlice. 

Some names are really cool. For instance: Dick. If I had a brother called Dick, I'd make him go crazy by saying,'Don't be a dick, Dick', all day!   

A friend of mine knew these two sisters in his school named Kisma Baig Butt and Seema Baig Butt. Now imagine this conversation: 

You: Hi, What's your name? 

She: Seema Baig Butt. 

You: Pardon? 

She: SEE MA BIG BUTT. 

  

Now you're standing there confused what to do. See her big butt or ask her name once again. Likewise, 

You: Hi! What's your name? 

She: Kisma Baig Butt.  

You: Pardon? 

She: KISS-MA BIG BUTT. 

Now you're in a grave situation; to kiss her big butt or ask her name once again. And in case, you chose to do the former, God bless you son. 

Man, I wonder what made Mr.Baig Butt name his daughters in such a vulgar and haram way. Openly inviting strangers (na-mehrams) to see and kiss his daughters 'baig butts'? Same is the case with uni-sex names. So confusing. Parents who christen their children with unisex names must high on something really strong.   

I hate meeting people with my name. Whenever I see another Hamza, they mean competition to me; WAR. If you’re a Hamza and, unfortunately met me, then don’t be surprised why I’m being extra mean to you. Actually, I’m not being mean; I’m just trying to make you understand, Do you realize that you are not worthy of MY name.  It's like Harry Potter and the Dark Lord. "Neither one can live while the other survives". There are just two options with people claiming my name to be theirs too; die or change their name(s). 

The reason I dislike my name is very viable and understandable. The reason may sound quite bizarre to most of you but that's that; It's not a nice last name. For instance, if I end up marrying Emma Watson and want her to take up my name it'd be Emma Hamza. "Emma Hamza". Yuck.  

I had a massive crush on this girl in grade three. I used to study at Saint Michael’s Convent School those days, we had a lot of Christian and Hindu kids in our class. So there was this cute Hindu girl in our class which was the ‘apple’ of all the male eyes in our class. 

One day, during the recess during one of those pre-teen-hormonal-chats, the boys were boasting and fighting about how she was dying for them but they couldn't marry her just because she was a non-Muslim. I said: I’d marry her but our names don’t sound cool together. One of my friends said: "Sonya Rajkumaari sounds a lot cooler than Sonia Hamza. Sonia Hamza sounds like brother and sister more than anything". 

So yeah, it’s kinda sad. Not kinda, it IS sad. *sniff* 

 
You see, it’s much harder for me to find a girlfriend for myself. I have to find someone with a name that goes well with mine. And I haven’t met a single one yet. Even my current crush’s name is Areeba. Imagine, Areeba Hamza. I don't need anyone to bro-zone me. My own name bro-zones me.  

 
Hahahaha hahahaha hahah *Burst into tears* 

*Sings* 'I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...' 

 To help me out of this miserable condition, please let me know of any girls with names that sound great with Hamza. Also, please let us know of any funny names you've heard. 

But even if you guys fail to think of any suitable names, finally, as a last resort I shall change my name. Not completely change my name but use it like an anagram: Tom Marvolo Riddle = I am Lord Voldemort. Something like that. 

Or even if that does not work, I shall cut off my nose and become He Who Must Not Be Named. Bellatrix wasn't that ugly, you know. *Wink* 

  

Finally, Thanks-a-billion-gazillion for letting me write something on your blog. It's an honor for me to write a guest post for the Queen Blogger. By the way, Furree, you know what, I pronounce your name with an extra ‘h’.  

It makes it sound extra cool. Uber cool. “Fareeha...Fur-hee-haa!” Hee-haw. Like a cowboy. Oh, cow-girl. Ouch. Cow girl sounds bad. Like some fat-dumb-aunty-type-womanish-girl. 

Yee-Haw.  Fur Yee Haw.  I like the way your name ends with a cow boy sound. Yee Haw.

Fur-Yee-Haw {noun}: a cowboy with fur.

Okay. I must stop being lame now. Yee-haw. 

This is a guest post, 

Don’t read it like a ghost. 

If you leave a comment, I’ll give you a toast, 

Or else I’ll eat you up like a roast! 

Cheers! 

HBH. 

x

Hamza Bin Hamid is, undoubtedly, the king of blogging. I am extremely proud to have this hilarious Guest Post grace my blog. Hamza is my hero, and he inspires me. LOL JK, he's an idiot. But I still love him! Visit his ultra funny and awesometastic blog, Teenage Mutiny.

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something i drew to express my gratitude.

- Furree.