Friday, December 28, 2012

The Insane Amount of Cats I Have

Ladies and Gentlemen.

I, Furree Katt, have a confession to make.

I am a crazy cat lady.

Yes, you are allowed to gasp in surprise, look down upon me in contempt, and evict me from your lives. You can slam the door on my face, unfollow my blog, and jeer at me. I am ashamed of myself. I have turned into a monster, way before my time. I admit to have fallen into the inescapable web of madness that only middle aged and depressed women go through...

With the help of my ZILLION cats.

Okay, perhaps there aren't a zillion, but there are at least a million.

And I am going to tell you about them.


Ignore the above picture, that's totally not the real me trapped inside the world of cats trying her best to escape. Nope, not me at all.

Let us start with my very own house cat.


Boys and girls, this is Kuchi. She is nearly 3 years old, extremely fat, and...

SCARED OF HUMANS.

Yep. You read that right. Kuchi is the most terrified cat in the whole world. If she hears the doorbell ring, she will bolt under the bed and hide till she's sure that no stranger is around anymore. If she hears someone's voice that doesn't belong to the people who live inside our house, she goes absolutely ballistic. She hates people.

Kuchi, forlornly staring out into space, hoping against all hope that she won't come into contact with any human today.

When we first got her, she was a little kitten with a massive problem. Apparently, she and her siblings had been mistreated by a couple of little kids (picked up and flung around, chased up and down) when they were with their previous owners. Hence, all the kittens, who are now massive and healthy cats, are traumatized, leading them to be scared of anyone they don't know.

It took Kuchi at least a month to become completely comfortable with all of us, and the house in general. She used to stay holed up under the bed for ages, only coming out for eating and pooping. Gradually, she began venturing out of the room and exploring the house. We've had her for over two years now, and we are the only people she trusts. I am proud to say that she is the most attached to me, because I feed her and clean her poop the most.

We had another cat who used to live inside the house, whose name was Moomoo. He passed away recently. You can read my tribute post to him here. Since he was loved by everyone, I'm including this picture of him:

Moomoo, like a boss. We love you and miss you!

Now, for all the cats that live outside my house. These are the strays. But they're not exactly stray. They are surprisingly friendly and loving, and depend on us for food (they don't hunt)! These cats have the same line of ancestors, with the earliest being a stray cat that my aunt adopted when she was 11. That means the line of cats passed down to us has spanned over 35 years! That's gotta be some kind of record. There were more cats than the ones I am posting below, but I won't include them because they died more than a few years ago. They were the ancestors of these cats:


This is Gugu. DO NOT LAUGH. My brother names all the cats, because he has the most active imagination amongst us all. Gugu is nearly a year old, but she looks almost the same as when she was born. Gugu is my favorite amongst all the strays. She's the only one that obeys me and accepts me as her Master Owner Extraordinaire (which all of them should, but whatever).

This was Gugu as a baby kitten!

I have witnessed her birth, as well as her siblings' (they all ran away and left Gugu behind, which is fine by me, because seriously I'D RATHER NOT BE MORE CRAZY THAN I AM NOW), and that's what makes her so special. She has grown up in front of my eyes, and is always desperate to be picked up and cuddled. However, once given sufficient love and attention, she's gonna give her 'whatever' face, as seen in the above photo. LOL.


This is Chuchumama (again, please refrain from laughing). Chuchumama is Gugu's mum. She grew up in front of us, too. She's adorable, but lately she's become a bit scared of us and only comes four or five times a week rather than living in our garden. She must be nearly two years old. She has low patience for the other cats, and prefers home cooked meat as opposed to tinned cat food (unbelievable, right?).


This is Exorcistu. Yes, that's right. My brother named her this, as her 'meow' sounds like a scream of death, like a banshee predicting a massacre, like there's a demon inside her. Regardless of her horrific vocals, she's quite cute and loving. She also has a black spot under her nose which is reminiscent of Hitler's mustache. Exorcistu is Chuchumama's sister.


This is Exorcistu and Chuchumama's brother. He is quiet, and almost as terrified of everyone as Kuchi is. However, he has a penchant of cuddling with his siblings, who usually slap him and tell him to stfu (at least that's what I can interpret  from their hisses). He resembles Michael Jackson a little. We haven't named him yet. We just refer to him as Exorcistu's brother.


This is Billoo. She is Chuchumama's, Exorcistu's and Exorcistu's Brother's mother. Which makes her Gugu's grandmother. This was a picture of her before she even had Chuchumama. SHE'S SO UGLY. But she's not the ugliest. Wait till you see...


DOLL CAT. We named her Doll Cat not because she looked like a cute doll. But because she looked like:


AREN'T I RIGHT?! Ladies and gentlemen, Dollcat is Billoo's mother. Which makes her Gugu's GREAT GRAND MOTHER. How the hell is she even alive? Don't ask me. But whatever it is, she's evil.

Moving on:


This is Gugu's brother. Plot twist: He doesn't belong in the family at all, but he came to our house out of nowhere and never left. Plus he looks so much like Gugu that they could have been twins in some parallel universe. We haven't named him either, so we just refer to him as - wait for it - GUGU'S BROTHER. LOL. He hasn't entirely warmed up to us, but the rest of the cats don't mind his presence so he just lives here and eats the food we give.


This is Mehndu (name derived from Mehndi, which means Henna, since the cat is the ugly colour of faded Henna LOL). We still don't know whether it's a male or female. We never got the opportunity to check it, if you know what I mean. I think Mehndu is a tranvestite. Anyway, I despise this cat. The only reason it exists with the other cats is because it REFUSES to leave, regardless of what we do. Mehndu always fought with Moomoo, and it also often has spats with many of the others. But since it has chosen our household as it's home, we feed it and take care of it like we do with all the others.

And finally:


This is Meena. She's not our cat anymore, but since I never mentioned her on my blog before, I thought I should share her picture with you guys. Meena was our cat when we used to live in Dubai. She was awesome. When my family and I had to move back to Pakistan, we gave her to our neighbor. Meena is healthy and happy, with 3 kittens that look just like her! She turned 5 years old this Christmas.

OMG. After reading all the above, I'm sure you must be slapping yourselves for ever thinking I was normal. Seriously. Underneath my fairly boring and noncommittal exterior, I AM A RAGING CRAZY CAT LADY MONSTER. Someone please buy me this so that my life can be complete:


Thank you.

And before you think too badly of me, I would like to enlighten you all with this unbelievable yet totally authentic piece of information:

My Psychology tutor has TWENTY SIX CATS. So there. 

(Since this is my last blog post for December, I hope you all have a very happy new year! See you on the other side.)

37 comments:

Dorsey Sprouls said...

AISFIBAOERGA; CAT OVERLOAD

I loved the Chucky bit and all of the names. Especially Exorcistu. Also Gugu is the cutest.

High quality cat post from the Katt. AHAHAHA I'm not as funny as I think I am. I loved it!

Kashaf A. said...

This stray cat started to come in our house once and we fed her. She is in love with us and her affection is returned, except when she bites me, then i smack her face. Anyways, we have like two roosters so we can't keep her as a pet. She recently experienced and accident and now has no control over her tail which is hanging lifelessly from her bum. Can i catsit your cats when you go to tuition? I will be in heaven.

Rutaba Tariq said...

Talk about a Kitten Paradise. You guys (you and family ) sound like a tiny cat orphanage ^_^.
Needless to say,The post is ubber adorable.
Amidst the humorous exterior may I just mini salute your family altogether. Not a lot of people show such love to humans let alone animals.
Totally love the spirit.
Don't let it die :)

God bless you ^_^

Anonymous said...

That was an insane amount of cats. I think I could barely manage looking after one, yet here you are, caring for a LOAD of cats. Do you have a life? :P

Laila N Mysis said...

*virtual high-five*

Australia hath no stray cats. Should one appear stray-ish, the council picks them up and does things to them... that sounded wrong, but either they get relocated to a new home, or put down :/

But IF they had stray cats, I would be JUST LIKE YOU. As it is, when I'm in Sri Lanka, I AM just like you, much to my relatives' mortification. But I just love cats *sniff*

Alas, one day, I do plan on buying fifty cats and living alone with them in a little cottage, talking (or meowing) conversationally with them. The good life (:

Julianne said...

... you weren't kidding.

Christopher said...

It's been an extremely long time since I've visited this blog. But I'm glad that I have finally returned, and at the time I have, because of this particular post.

I would like to leave a long comment, but I'm extremely sleepy. But know that I am also a crazy cat person and that I found this post highly amusing.

quartertoinsane said...

.... this esplains a lot

Talitha said...

Whoa...who let the cats out??
I must say you've hidden the old cat-lady inside you pretty well letting her surface only occasionally which is a good thing but you have many in your club...like maybe half the world or more...why on earth would 80% of the internet be filled with cat pictures otherwise??!
You could have this picture as your club banner...or something.
Link: http://thebloggess.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/go-fuck-yourself-cat.jpg

Rafya Sweets said...

Oh My bdgsydtssd HOW CAN ANYONE POSSIBLY LIVE WITH THIS MANY CATSS???


Again I'd say, You are very Kattyy!!

P.S Meena is cutest of all, I want to cuddle herr <3 :)

Asinastra Nightshade said...

I JUST LOVE YOU EVEN MORE FOR THIS.

By the way, my English teacher has ten dogs IN the house, so yeah.

Exorcistu. I LOLed. Hitler's moustache indeed.

And Billoo's pose just made me grin.

And poor Doll Cat, I bet she's perfectly nice. You must do a post regarding her unusual antics.

You guys clearly have some kind of cat-attractor hidden in the house because they all keep showing up at your doorstep.

aqsa abbasi said...

I hate cats. They are so scary!! In fact I have Cat-phobia :|
And I always imagined you as a cat loving person, don't know why.(oh maybe because of your name, furee kat :P)
But I must say Meena is the cutest of them all. :P
Happy new year to you too. :)

Rafya Sweets said...

And why was one of them named 'CHUCHUMAMA' :D That's such a funny name...!!

Farooq Habib said...

Meena looked as if she was drunk. Your brother really knows how to name cats, but i didnt laugh just like you ordered. Well, I would never understand that how you are able to write such long posts?? Well, it will always remain a mystery to me. Your knowledge of the cat families was quite astonishing. like hoq could you possibly remember all that :o. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! :)

Farooq Habib said...

How*

Dawson said...

OMG ALL YOUR CATS ARE SO ADORABLE!!!
I cant get a cat because mom wont let me keep one in the house but I LOVE CATS!!

Jack said...

Furree,

Was absent for a few days and had to catch up with an avalanche of posts. Read all pending posts. Hope that ZIT vanished in time. I agree with you on what you say for being irked. Liked guest post as most are witty. HBL took a dig at his name with a lot of wit. Urooj in right when she says how to kill a conversation. Lioness told so well about Harry Potter episode. You gave a lot of insight into your way of thinking while taking up tags. And now one can understand why you say KATT.

Take care

Lioness Without A Pride said...

~I don't remember my older comment *sniff* :'( </3~

I only remember saying:

1. OMG THAT'S A LOT OF CATS :O
I think your family is amazing, taking in all these strays! Kudos to all of you!

2. You MUST have been Cleopatra in a past life! The hair, the eyes, and now the CATS! *all hail Queen Furree Patra!*

3. The fact that all the cats are from the same dynasty or gene-pool whatever: I so know what you mean. It's like my cows. They are so incestuous it is not even funny I mean seriously. Can I use that word here. Sorry. In-breeding. It's like, they- no, NO you don't need the traumatizing details!

YAY CATS THAT I LIKE TO SEE ON THE INTERNET BUT NOT IN REALITY

My favourite name is Exorcistu.

P.S. Thank you, Jack for your compliment on your comment above!

BH said...

26! wow! and i thought my sister with 12 was going overboard :)

Ash said...

So basically, the internet phenomenon that is lolcats - originated from YOU?

'Mazing, yo. 'Mazing.

I am admittedly more of a dog person, but I don't mind cats at all. Except when they look down on me. ME. Can you believe that? I know it's hard, but I speak truth.

Marzouk Alam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marzouk Alam said...

Say I was ever at your place, I'd probably die...of fear.

I love Meena, though. Cause you know, she looks like one of those cute fluffy cats. :3

And, Exorcistu! That's a mighty cool name. Scary, as well. :P

Ridx said...

OMG. I love cats too. I wanted to buy a persian kitten but I have so much to study and all that I ll end up neglecting it :(

The names are crazy. :D

and omg 26 cats? That's too much!

Anonymous said...

Haha! Furree you're the cutest!! I LOVE your cats' names! Verryy innovative, I must say!

I've missed reading your posts! Will catch up on all of them over the next few days! Hope you're doing great, Furree!

A Great Liar said...

Oh lolz. Thats a pretty cute post actually. They r absltly absltly adorable. :)

And well, I think my personl fav wld be the Doll Cat, simply becoz of the pun intended in the nick. Btw, jst curious, why didnt u simply name her Chucky?

And do tell me how it is going with the SKing novels. How many of them have u been thru? Ur personal favs?

S. said...

OMG-SO-MANY-CATS.
YOU HAVE VERY CATISH-FACE
I Love your Blog. (I-SWEAR-FURREEEE) <3

Momina said...

Those are a lot of cats!
Even though I am not fond of cats some people do treat cats in a very bad way. Especially little kids, it's very hurtful!

Anonymous said...

Your cats are soo cute :D I could never have cats because my dad (and I to a certain extent) was allergic to them. *Boo*.

Happy new year :)

Rizwan L said...

OMG it's Mrs Figg!

Crimson Coral said...

Hey!!!! LONG TIME FUREE KAT!

im back and im following all blogs and i got myself a new one. Love your love for cats. sadly i have the same amount of love for them when they are all kittens, they get annyoing when they grow up =p

p.s. www.alive-scribbles.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

oh we could use even one of your pets...the voles are back and they are digging up all my landscaping. your kitties are very pretty.
I am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.

Zeba said...

It's way past December. I want more updates!

Umar Jamil said...

Wow! SUper Cool :)

Zee Zoo said...

OMG!!! Im a cat person too. I have an extremely cute Persian cat, named 'Mushoo.' Had a Persian billa and a pair of royal cats too :( but had to give them away cuz my mum wouldn't let us keep more than one cat :(

Shane Burch said...

so cute :-) Hope all is well Furree

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j e s s i z e e said...

oh my god i'm a self proclaimed catless catlady and you are a true cat possessing cat lady teach me your ways I LOVE CATS i don't think anyone would shun you for that c; they're all so adorable and your description of exorcistu made me laugh oh my goodness and the names in general are so great yay for distinctive names with personality :D