The Insane Amount of Cats I Have

Ladies and Gentlemen.

I, Furree Katt, have a confession to make.

I am a crazy cat lady.

Yes, you are allowed to gasp in surprise, look down upon me in contempt, and evict me from your lives. You can slam the door on my face, unfollow my blog, and jeer at me. I am ashamed of myself. I have turned into a monster, way before my time. I admit to have fallen into the inescapable web of madness that only middle aged and depressed women go through...

With the help of my ZILLION cats.

Okay, perhaps there aren't a zillion, but there are at least a million.

And I am going to tell you about them.

Ignore the above picture, that's totally not the real me trapped inside the world of cats trying her best to escape. Nope, not me at all.

Let us start with my very own house cat.

Boys and girls, this is Kuchi. She is nearly 3 years old, extremely fat, and...

SCARED OF HUMANS.

Yep. You read that right. Kuchi is the most terrified cat in the whole world. If she hears the doorbell ring, she will bolt under the bed and hide till she's sure that no stranger is around anymore. If she hears someone's voice that doesn't belong to the people who live inside our house, she goes absolutely ballistic. She hates people.

Kuchi, forlornly staring out into space, hoping against all hope that she won't come into contact with any human today.

When we first got her, she was a little kitten with a massive problem. Apparently, she and her siblings had been mistreated by a couple of little kids (picked up and flung around, chased up and down) when they were with their previous owners. Hence, all the kittens, who are now massive and healthy cats, are traumatized, leading them to be scared of anyone they don't know.

It took Kuchi at least a month to become completely comfortable with all of us, and the house in general. She used to stay holed up under the bed for ages, only coming out for eating and pooping. Gradually, she began venturing out of the room and exploring the house. We've had her for over two years now, and we are the only people she trusts. I am proud to say that she is the most attached to me, because I feed her and clean her poop the most.

We had another cat who used to live inside the house, whose name was Moomoo. He passed away recently. You can read my tribute post to him here. Since he was loved by everyone, I'm including this picture of him:

Moomoo, like a boss. We love you and miss you!

Now, for all the cats that live outside my house. These are the strays. But they're not exactly stray. They are surprisingly friendly and loving, and depend on us for food (they don't hunt)! These cats have the same line of ancestors, with the earliest being a stray cat that my aunt adopted when she was 11. That means the line of cats passed down to us has spanned over 35 years! That's gotta be some kind of record. There were more cats than the ones I am posting below, but I won't include them because they died more than a few years ago. They were the ancestors of these cats:

This is Gugu. DO NOT LAUGH. My brother names all the cats, because he has the most active imagination amongst us all. Gugu is nearly a year old, but she looks almost the same as when she was born. Gugu is my favorite amongst all the strays. She's the only one that obeys me and accepts me as her Master Owner Extraordinaire (which all of them should, but whatever).

This was Gugu as a baby kitten!

I have witnessed her birth, as well as her siblings' (they all ran away and left Gugu behind, which is fine by me, because seriously I'D RATHER NOT BE MORE CRAZY THAN I AM NOW), and that's what makes her so special. She has grown up in front of my eyes, and is always desperate to be picked up and cuddled. However, once given sufficient love and attention, she's gonna give her 'whatever' face, as seen in the above photo. LOL.

This is Chuchumama (again, please refrain from laughing). Chuchumama is Gugu's mum. She grew up in front of us, too. She's adorable, but lately she's become a bit scared of us and only comes four or five times a week rather than living in our garden. She must be nearly two years old. She has low patience for the other cats, and prefers home cooked meat as opposed to tinned cat food (unbelievable, right?).

This is Exorcistu. Yes, that's right. My brother named her this, as her 'meow' sounds like a scream of death, like a banshee predicting a massacre, like there's a demon inside her. Regardless of her horrific vocals, she's quite cute and loving. She also has a black spot under her nose which is reminiscent of Hitler's mustache. Exorcistu is Chuchumama's sister.

This is Exorcistu and Chuchumama's brother. He is quiet, and almost as terrified of everyone as Kuchi is. However, he has a penchant of cuddling with his siblings, who usually slap him and tell him to stfu (at least that's what I can interpret  from their hisses). He resembles Michael Jackson a little. We haven't named him yet. We just refer to him as Exorcistu's brother.

This is Billoo. She is Chuchumama's, Exorcistu's and Exorcistu's Brother's mother. Which makes her Gugu's grandmother. This was a picture of her before she even had Chuchumama. SHE'S SO UGLY. But she's not the ugliest. Wait till you see...

DOLL CAT. We named her Doll Cat not because she looked like a cute doll. But because she looked like:

AREN'T I RIGHT?! Ladies and gentlemen, Dollcat is Billoo's mother. Which makes her Gugu's GREAT GRAND MOTHER. How the hell is she even alive? Don't ask me. But whatever it is, she's evil.

Moving on:

This is Gugu's brother. Plot twist: He doesn't belong in the family at all, but he came to our house out of nowhere and never left. Plus he looks so much like Gugu that they could have been twins in some parallel universe. We haven't named him either, so we just refer to him as - wait for it - GUGU'S BROTHER. LOL. He hasn't entirely warmed up to us, but the rest of the cats don't mind his presence so he just lives here and eats the food we give.

This is Mehndu (name derived from Mehndi, which means Henna, since the cat is the ugly colour of faded Henna LOL). We still don't know whether it's a male or female. We never got the opportunity to check it, if you know what I mean. I think Mehndu is a tranvestite. Anyway, I despise this cat. The only reason it exists with the other cats is because it REFUSES to leave, regardless of what we do. Mehndu always fought with Moomoo, and it also often has spats with many of the others. But since it has chosen our household as it's home, we feed it and take care of it like we do with all the others.

And finally:

This is Meena. She's not our cat anymore, but since I never mentioned her on my blog before, I thought I should share her picture with you guys. Meena was our cat when we used to live in Dubai. She was awesome. When my family and I had to move back to Pakistan, we gave her to our neighbor. Meena is healthy and happy, with 3 kittens that look just like her! She turned 5 years old this Christmas.

OMG. After reading all the above, I'm sure you must be slapping yourselves for ever thinking I was normal. Seriously. Underneath my fairly boring and noncommittal exterior, I AM A RAGING CRAZY CAT LADY MONSTER. Someone please buy me this so that my life can be complete:

Thank you.

And before you think too badly of me, I would like to enlighten you all with this unbelievable yet totally authentic piece of information:

My Psychology tutor has TWENTY SIX CATS. So there. 

(Since this is my last blog post for December, I hope you all have a very happy new year! See you on the other side.)